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Your kara seems off in places? There are a lot of lines that go over the scene change to join up that would probably be better off stopping at the scene change... not gonna bother noting them though, as there simply are _too many_ 02:48 - Comma's not needed 03:09 - Replace the comma with "so"? 04:26 - Fade this line out 05:50 - Comma not needed 05:57 - "are" -> "is" 09:50 - "forgive" -> "forgiven" 10:18 - "you" -> "your" 10:44 - Comma after someone 10:50 - "you" -> "to" 10:55 - "accept" -> "accepting" 12:06 - Move "wisely" to before "using" -> In this world, wisely using the powers you have will... 14:16 - Fade it 14:50 - "cares"? Do you mean carries? Or however it's spelled? 15:51 - Fade it 15:58 - Fade it 16:05 - " 16:41 - This line is uber awkward. Do something with it. 21:01 - "invoves" -> "involve" 21:37 - "opened" -> "open"